Mother’s Day has always been really special to me, because my mom and grandma are two of favorite people in the whole world. I love having the chance to celebrate them at least one a year.
But in 2019, Mother’s Day became different. I had experienced a miscarriage, with two following shortly after. I DREADED Mother’s Day 2019 and 2020. I spent Mother’s Day 2019 in bed with a bag of oreos and a bottle of wine, and I cried A LOT – true story. I didn’t want to talk to anyone or see anyone. I stayed off of social media because I was envious of all of my friends that were becoming new moms. That was supposed to be me, and somehow, it wasn’t.
For a long time, I resented all of my friends with pregnancy announcements and newborn babies. It wasn’t because I wanted to be, but I was broken. For anyone that has gone through a miscarriage, you understand the pain – both physical and emotional. Let me tell you, I don’t think that ever goes away.
Fast forward to today: Mother’s Day 2021. Was it what I was expecting? No. My whole family has been sick. But having two children in the house call me mom and want to celebrate with me today is the best feeling in the world.
I have my family that I longed for, but don’t get me wrong, I still feel the pain. I still have a huge ache inside me from losing my three babies. Three babies that I think about every day and wonder what their lives would have been like.
My advice? Let yourself grieve. If Mother’s Day is painful for you, honor that pain. Accept that pain and listen to your body. If you need to be alone, be alone. If you need to stay busy, stay busy. Don’t do anything to make your pain worse, and don’t feel bad for grieving – no matter how you have to do that.