Self Care

Why I Left Social Media

I was told long-term prednisone use can cause blood clots and that only certain birth control methods could be used while on the steroid to avoid higher risk. 

I was told that while on my immunosuppression therapy, I had to be VERY careful not to get pregnant. 

I was told that the birth control option that I chose was safe for my body, and that is always my first priority, especially with all the treatments I do and medications I’m already on. 

I was not told that the birth control option I chose because of steroid use was not as effective while on immunosuppressants. 

You picking up what I’m putting down? Yeah. On Friday September 9th, 2022, I found out I was pregnant. And I was mortified. 

Now before you go judging me on this, hear me out. I have my reasons to not EVER want to be pregnant EVER again. 

  1. Pregnancy did NOT work well for my body – I ended up hospitalized every time. It just doesn’t work for some women. And guess what? That’s okay. I’m coping with that realization still to this day. It’s not worth risking my life. 
  2. We currently have 5 kids in our home, ranging from 8 years old to 4 months. We didn’t need another, at least not right now. 
  3. My immunosuppressant (Cellcept) is BLACK BOXED for pregnancy – it’s super unsafe for a fetus, if it even survives the first trimester. 

On top of that, Friday, September 9th was the day we celebrated my great grandma’s life as she went to go be with my great grandpa. It was a long day of driving and grieving. When I got home that afternoon, I realized I was 4 days late for my period. I put it in the back of my mind and continued on with my evening – making dinner, doing homework with the kids, giving the toddlers a bath, etc. 

When it was time for me to go to bed, I decided to take a pregnancy test just to ease my mind before I headed to work the next morning. To my surprise, it did everything but calm my nerves. 

The first test I took was a traditional test, and I knew I saw a second line, but Preston said he didn’t. So, I drank a bunch of water and took a digital test. Right when I saw “pregnant,” I went into full panic attack, which hadn’t happened in a long time. 

I texted my therapist for an emergency session – the way I knew to best take care of myself. Through my past pregnancies, I suffered from severe depression and I have PTSD from what I went through. 

I talked with my medical team to go over my next steps. But instead of being helped, I was blamed for getting pregnant in the first place. For being “careless.” 

Let me explain something. I track my ovulations – not for the reason the average woman my age in a healthy relationship and stable life would do. I track them to AVOID pregnancy. I am anything from a careless person, especially when it comes to my health. 

So yeah, this comment triggered me. I was angry and I left the facility without medical treatment. I shut down and I needed a break from the world. 

I won’t go through the nitty gritty details, but I am no longer pregnant. This experience was horrifying but it was handled the best way it could have been. 

I took a break from everything and everyone except my kids. I needed to focus on myself and to remind myself why I keep going even when depression threatens to take over my body. 

I’ve worked through intense therapy multiple times a week since then. I’ve had long discussions with Preston. And I’m finally at a place of peace. I’m finally at a place to let the world in again. 

So, there you have it. My week from hell 2022. Unfortunately, this isn’t all that happened that week, but I’m “not allowed” to talk about the rest. At least, not yet. Don’t worry – that’s for another time. 

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